Footloose by Maggie Millus

All parts of a conch are supposed to be edible, which is okay if you don’t mind eating intestines and brains (however small conch brains may be). But a conch’s foot has the best white meat -not to be confused with pork- and if you don’t mind eating the equivalent of an overgrown escargot, conch fritters are delicious, grease and all!

Things In My Coffee by Maggie Millus

Florida cockroaches are real cockroaches. They are not teeny and puny like those little German immigrants. Just seeing one of those big suckers swimming in your coffee or having sex on your kitchen counter is enough to cause a major jump in most people’s blood pressure.

A Tell Tale Tail by Maggie Millus

I like to fuss over my cat, Tom Brown. But Tom doesn’t always take too kindly to fussing and his tail will begin to twitch. It even twitches when I just look at him. He just lies there, pretending to sleep and looking away from me, but the tail is twitching.

Remembering Christmases Past by Maggie Millus

Another Christmas gone by. I’m so relieved. Not that I’m a bah humbug person and not that I don’t have at least a few Christmas memories that I treasure, but there are a whole bunch of Christmases that I would just like to forget (and for some no good reason, I can’t.) I try to blame some of my unpleasant memories on the month of December.

Worryville by Maggie Millus

I worry a lot. Especially late at night when I have insomnia. I worry about money, my job , gaining weight… In other words, anything that comes along. Lately, I’ve begun to worry about airports. Homeland security scares the heck out of me.

Nightmare Pie

Halloween’s been long gone for almost a month. It was just another Halloween, a Halloween spent trick or treating with my sister-in-law’s kid. He dressed up as a pirate and me, I went as an aging adult.

Malaise by Maggie Millus

If there was a virus for causing procrastination, I’d say we’ve all been infected. But I like to look at both sides of an issue, or in this case, a condition. I’ve never thought of putting off things as bad as long as I was the one doing it. Now if it’s anyone else, that’s another story.

Frustration Over Nothing by Maggie Millus

Over crowding causes anger issues. I could do free castrations… with a butter knife. Hell, I’d even use two bricks for anesthesia. As if being on a crowded roadway isn’t bad enough, getting cut off in I-95 traffic really pisses me off. Not enough for road rage, just rabid confusion as to why anyone would drive so fast on a four lane road constipated with cars. Cars are all driving the same speed, side by side in each of the four lanes.


My husband, Howard, says Barmy Bottom isn’t really a hollow, it’s more like a slough. Hollows, he says, are Tennessee and this is Florida. Nonsense, I say. This house we live in and the yard around it are a big hole.