In Humor

It’s two weeks into February and I still haven’t made any New Year’s resolutions.  That may be a good thing because if I had made a resolution on indecisiveness or procrastination…

I usually don’t make New Year’s resolutions.  Why? Because I don’t keep them.  But this year, I  thought I should make an exception.  I’ve convinced  myself self-examination and reflection are  good things… as long as I don’t drown in them. There’s no point in going overboard!

I’ve considered lots of resolutions but most of them are retreads from previous years, resolutions that I did not keep. They are broken resolutions that either gobbled up my self-esteem (along with everything in the refrigerator)  or caused friction among family and friends as I exuded buckets of insincere congeniality.

This year, I will do things differently – eventually.  I’ve decided to make resolutions that I know I can keep. And I’m going to make more than one.  That way if I keep one or several, I’ll be able to feel really good about myself and maybe even brag about it. (None of my resolutions will involve pride or arrogance.)

I should have these resolutions made by March, April, or maybe as late as May. No need to hurry because I want to get them right.

So…what to resolve?  In the coming year of 2017, I could resolve to do the blatantly obvious, like

  • Not smoke. This could be a guaranteed “keeper” because I don’t actually smoke.  This is   something I could do even though I guess it’s not really a resolution. On the other hand if the smoking involves overly cooked food and flames in the kitchen, it might be a possibility.
  • Not drink to excess.  But what is an excess? More than one drink a day is considered unhealthy for a woman.    And what about rum apple cake, Champagne sorbet, Kahlua and cream cookies,  Margarita bars, or any of the other 2,352 desserts with bourbon?

On the other hand, I could be less skeptical and more optimistic by making some real resolutions like:

  • Become organized! To do that I’d have to get rid of a lot of things. I’d have to declutter or “tidy up” real hard.  This will not happen.  Besides, I might have to eventually use some of the things I never use. And then there is the garage…who is going to look in there?
  • Be positive and avoid the negative! Every week I could celebrate “Happy Saturday!”, a day of cheerfulness, a day of pleasantries! I’ve thought about this.  A lot.  I don’t think Happy Saturday is going to happen.  The thought of all that feigned, effervescent optimism is depressing.
  • Exercise! I think I’ll go lie down until this one passes.

The good news is – there are some resolutions that I definitely  will keep, like

  • Look under the pillow before I lie down to sleep…just in case I’ve provoked the cat…
  • Clean out the garage. I might actually find something I need…
  • And stay away from politics so I can keep the friends I still have…

There are a lot of other resolutions  I could make, but I’m going to think about them  for a while and maybe just pick one sooner or later.   One thing I’m sure of, procrastination or indecisiveness won’t be on my list.