In Humor

 

Something is wrong with this rugelach...

Something is wrong with this rugelach…

Each New Year is a time for reminiscence and reflection.  Here are things I have taken time to think about (usually in the middle of the night):

 

  • Teenagers and boats have one thing in common – they are both money pits.

 

  • There is no brake pedal on the passenger side.

 

  • My husband is a better driver when I’m in the car. Because he can’t stand loud screams…

 

  • Most people have big feet but are in denial.

 

  • Never let your husband make 5 lbs of potato salad just for the two of you.

 

  • Who says the second piece of cake isn’t as good as the first?

 

  • Homilies have nothing to do with grits.

 

  • Forces of gravity are greatest at belly button level.  That’s why fat migrates and stays around the waist line.

 

  • There is no point in baking your own rugelach.

 

  • R-19 is building insulation, not a form of Preparation H.

 

  • Most  people are not worth marrying.

 

  • If food doesn’t taste good, don’t eat it.

 

  • Not gaining weight is better than wearing a body shaper.

 

  • Body support  or body shaper is just another way to say  girdle or “fat squeezer”

 

  • I don’t want to watch a movie on a 2-inch screen.

 

  • The smaller the mosquito, the bigger the itch.

 

  • The world is a very dishonest place.

 

  • Dirty socks can clog up plumbing and flood half the house with water.

 

  • Yes, there is such a thing as TMF (Too Much Fiber).

 

  • Once I’ve spent money, it’s gone.  How much is gone depends on whether my husband was around

 

  • TNS (Testicular Neurosis Syndrome) is real.  It differs from PMS in that men have it 30 days a month, not  7 days or less.

 

  •  Some sisters are worse than others.  Like the Rhea sisters (diarrhea, gonorrhea,  pyrorrhea…)

 

  • I am never  alone when I read a good book.  Because the dog  wants out, the kids  want to go somewhere, and somebody is ringing the doorbell.

 

 

  • Long lists are no fun to read.  So…this is it!