Short Timer…Short List.

There are at least 10 things I will not think about in my last 10 seconds of life.   I usually don’t have enough time for that kind of nonsense, and hopefully I will continue to exist for more than 10 seconds after I write this.  But because I like lists,  here  are  the big 10.

• What’s for dinner?  Who cares?  How am I gonna cook something in 10 seconds anyway? I can’t even open a can of tuna in 10 seconds.

• Did I get enough fiber today?  Should have had seven grams at  breakfast  according to the experts.  Or  was it 7 ounces I should have had?  7 ounces?  That’s almost half a pound. I’d probably die of terminal diarrhea.  Who wants to die of that? Besides it would take a lot longer than 10 seconds.

• Did I pay the electric bill?  What’s the big deal?   My lights are gonna go out anyway. I wonder how long my family will sit in the dark before they figure it out.  Oh well, no problem because I don’t have time to worry about it anyway…

• Annual colonoscopy?  Nope! Not now, not ever. On the other hand if I have a polyp the size of Detroit, and that’s why I’m buying the big one, I should have known  better.

• Do I  need a Heimlich?  I should have swallowed some coffee with that mammoth piece of cheesecake (hope it was chocolate. )   I feel like a snake that just swallowed a hog.  Too late now…

• The septic tank is full.  The toilets and drains are on overflow.  Nobody called the honey wagon.  The tide is rising and it’s not just water…That stinks.

• My credit cards are over charged.  So sue me!

• Why did I overeat?  I feel like I’m  gonna explode. Who’s in charge of cleanup?   Begin countdown.  Ten.  Nine.  Eight…five…three…two…   Better get an umbrella or better yet, a raincoat.

• Rash?  Itch?? Jungle rot?? It better not be leprosy.  At least it’s not worms.

• What did I just step in? All the way up to my ankles.  Was I  wandering around in a cow pasture in the dark?  Or was it my dog?? Pookie!  Don’t eat so much!