Short Timer…Short List.
There are at least 10 things I will not think about in my last 10 seconds of life. I usually don’t have enough time for that kind of nonsense, and hopefully I will continue to exist for more than 10 seconds after I write this. But because I like lists, here are the big 10.
- What’s for dinner? Who cares? How am I gonna cook something in 10 seconds anyway? I can’t even open a can of tuna in 10 seconds.
- Did I get enough fiber today? Should have had seven grams at breakfast according to the experts. Or was it 7 ounces I should have had? 7 ounces? That’s almost half a pound. I’d probably die of terminal diarrhea. Who wants to die of that? Besides it would take a lot longer than 10 seconds.
- Did I pay the electric bill? What’s the big deal? My lights are gonna go out anyway. I wonder how long my family will sit in the dark before they figure it out. Oh well, no problem because I don’t have time to worry about it anyway…
- Annual colonoscopy? Nope! Not now, not ever. On the other hand if I have a polyp the size of Detroit, and that’s why I’m buying the big one, I should have known better.
- Do I need a Heimlich? I should have swallowed some coffee with that mammoth piece of cheesecake (hope it was chocolate. ) I feel like a snake that just swallowed a hog. Too late now…
- The septic tank is full. The toilets and drains are on overflow. Nobody called the honey wagon. The tide is rising and it’s not just water…That stinks.
- My credit cards are over charged. So sue me!
- Why did I overeat? I feel like I’m gonna explode. Who’s in charge of cleanup? Begin countdown. Ten. Nine. Eight…five…three…two… Better get an umbrella or better yet, a raincoat.
- Rash? Itch?? Jungle rot?? It better not be leprosy. At least it’s not worms.
- What did I just step in? All the way up to my ankles. Was I wandering around in a cow pasture in the dark? Or was it my dog?? Pookie! Don’t eat so much!
