Worryville by Maggie Millus

I worry a lot.  Especially late at night when I have insomnia.  I worry about money, my job , gaining weight… In other words, anything that  comes along. Lately, I’ve begun to worry about  airports.   Homeland security scares the heck out of me.  I’m afraid they’ll do something to piss me off and then I’ll open my big mouth and next thing you know,  I won’t even be allowed to call for a bail bondsman.   I can just imagine the phone conversation between me and Howard.


“Howard, the feds have me locked up.”


“Why? What’d you do now?”


” Nothing.”


“Are you sure?”




“Then why are you calling me?”


“Call me a bail bondsman and a lawyer!”


“Why me?”


Need I say more?


I always have a fear that I’ll get lost in an airport.  I can see myself wandering around for  days.  Little kids stare at me. “Mommy, what’s wrong with that lady? Why is she dragging her suit case up and down the airport?”


“Shhhh, she’ll hear you.”


Man across from little kid:  “Her GPS doesn’t work,  she lost her Blackberry, and her husband  won’t come get her.”


I really hate traveling alone.  I have to make a trip to Dayton,Ohio, next month.  I wanted Howard to come with me.    But he said it’s my business and he doesn’t want to spend money to be bored.  I think it’s really because of his girth.  It’s been awhile and a lot of pounds since he flew anywhere.  I’m betting 10 to 1 he can’t fit into an economy or business seat and he just doesn’t want to admit it.



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