You Know You Southern When You Talk Like This… by Maggie Millus

“There’s something spectacular about chasing a wild boar through your own backyard.”

Most South Floridians have accents that originated from the Northeast.  They do not and probably never will “speak southern”.  But, since understanding each other is part of daily civility, here are a few more southern words with definitions and uses…

Most people don’t (usually) go outside without any clothes on.  But if you were to see a naked person, you would say they were nekkid, not naked, as in…

• How come you nekkid? You no good for nuthin’…you up to summpin’!!

Cletus forgot his shoes outside.  It rained for two days.  Are his shoes  ruined or whuzzled?  If the toes of his shoes curl, you could tell Cletus…

• Your shoes are all whuzzled.  You look like an elf!
• Of course, after you tell him that, you better run like hell.  A safer use of the word whuzzle is…
• After spending the night with the hogs, Homer’s clothes was all whuzzled.

You have diarrhea.  You called the doctor’s office but all they did was put you on hold.  You tell Bubba…

• Get me the kaopectate! I’m  et up with something bad.

Your nephew, Elmer, tells you he’s going to get his high school diploma and go to college.  You can’t stand indecision so you tell him….

• Elmer, make up your rabbit-ass mind!

Some people are more than stupid.  They are et up with dumbass.  For example….

•  Bubba Junior caught his head between the fenceposts because he wuz  et up with  dumbass!

Cawhumpus   (not to be confused with cattywampus) can mean rear end or butt. It is a very useful anatomical word to indicate mood – especially when coupled with profanity- as in….

• Get your @*#!#%$  cawhumpus  outta here!  Or…
•  Your cawhumpus is so big, it oughta go freight.

Snarfel can mean chew or suck up or chew and suck up at the same time  as in…

•   Bob Dawg done snarfeled his ass bloody chasing that flea. I think he liked to chased it clean to Arkansas.

Now if you’re not into reality TV, you might think Honey Boo Boo  is a boil or a really big zit as in…

•  Sugar Honey, that honey boo boo on your ass is gonna pop!

Now I know there are lots of other sayings and expletives, but I think I’ll just leave them for another time and go watch Swamp People.  It has captions, but I don’t need them.