F-Words (Part 2) by Maggie Millus

Swear words don’t faze me.   I’ve been using  irreverent language for a long time.  S**t was the first 4-letter word I used. I picked that one up from friends.  I didn’t use the notorious  4-letter F-word until I got married. Since then, I’ve used a lot of other swear words, both F-words and not.


F-Words stepped in1

F-words can have varying ranges of ominous portent. If I say I am flatulent, it implies a terminal condition, like I might explode.  If I have something festering, I could just be pissed off but I could also be in dire need of antibiotics, maybe even in a soon-to-be fatal life threatening situation.  If I have a fistula, that’s really downright nasty. I will be leaking something that is foul and I don’t think I have to use another  F-word for that.


An F-word can imply inconvenient behaviors.  When people are extremely nervous during job interviews,  their feet will flocillate all over the place.   On the other hand, if their buttocks flocillate, that’s very hard to explain.  Especially if it’s only one and they are fubsy.


A lot of people think “fart” should be added to the Do Not Use List. (George Carlin, 7 Dirty words, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbZhpf3sQxQ).  Using the word fart is a faux pas. They do not want to read that the average fart velocity is 7 miles per hour- faster than most people want to walk.  (An important factoid if you walk with flatulent hikers).


And then there are  F-words that bother some people more than others.   Use the word  flaccid and a man will  become defensive.  Mention  fumes or flames and he will run for the fire extinguisher.


Some F-words are  likeable.  My husband likes food and fishing. He likes fishing, fishing, and more fishing…. Landing a big fish, like a 60 pound dolphin (Mahi Mahi) is his second favorite fantasy.


Adding  an “ f” to a word can expand its meaning.   Fugly  allows you to get away with using  that word in everyday speech. It helps if the person to whom you are directing it has no clue as to what it means.   Should we invent new F-words?  Like: fidiot, fass, flooney….Probably not.   I think we have enough flaky F-words already.



                                                    A very short F-word Glossary

Flavescent  –  yellowish

floccillate – to twitch aimlessly

fubsy  –  short and fat

fugle  –  to cheat, especially in the  extra-marital sense

fuggly  –  fucking ugly


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